★Note A Dream★

Do you believe in evil? I was screwed

8:20 PM

I was happily lounging on the couch carelessly watching "Adams Family Values" when

people started acting nuts on some minor twinkie things in the history of

the 21st Century while our little kitties gleefully taking their precious naps.

I mean seriously, can't the universe and Zeus be more cruel to me?

*Dances Before the Dawn- Why Why? Why Why? Why Why???*

Okay so nuff with that I'm just so wickedly sad it's like I've missed a lot of precious moment

in this life. in my generation. and I'm just a parasite.

I know I can't change that... I can't do no more about it

My life's damaged

My dreams slowly crushed

Is it my fault I was born with this

Evil lurking slowly from the dark side of something close to me

Haunting me

Luring me in

To keep the pain inside me

I can feel myself. Becoming weak

Bleeding from the inside

The scars won't heal

Too deep

Too dark

Too late to save

Shall I cry for my misfortuned life for the rest of my existence?

Why, tell me, am I too indifferent to understand?

I can't speak of this

So I write

But it seems that writing is also slowly being taken away

by something..

someone..

Does writing find me too burdensome to keep company?

Does it feel no life with me?

Tell me, where do these letter go when they are not written of or spoken of?

Do they hide?

Do they run away?

Do they fly towards the sad and lonely moon up there?

Do they adore the stars?

Do they hate the sun? The heat? 'Cause I know I do

Do they go to someone else's mind and leave you for good?

I won't like that

My only company.. leaving me..

Too painful

Too much to take

It kills me

Making it too soon for The Grim Reaper

No. Stop. This is too much. Sadly, I must go back to my misfortunes.

I must eat.

♥Saber.xoxo

Hi there!

12:43 PM

I know it's been so long since I was able to update.

What a cliche huh? I think I've already made a post like this? hehe so sorry

My 1st year in College officially ended on March 22, 2013

Experiencing things without any family member was a bit tough. You have to take care of yourself and be cautious most of the time. You have to try your best not to get sick because no one's there to take care of you. What's more hard is doing school stuffs and running errands. You have to do things all by yourself. You have to buy the things you need. You have to decide for everything.

Yes, I sometimes make the wrong decisions but I always make sure I learn from it.

I became a staff writer in our school publication named, The Magdalo. Though a lot of times I'm not doing my best(till now I still haven't passed my work for the last issue of school year 2012-2013. Oh uh!)

Oh I so love reading!! And yes, most of the time I read in bed because the dorm I stay on doesn't have a big space so I always have to stay on my bed whether I'm studying, eating, or just resting.

I love reading fiction, classic, fantasy books. My most favorite was The Hunger Games Trilogy, Nicholas Sparks' works, The Secret Garden, Rick Riordan's works, and many more!!

I really son't get people. It's so hard for me to get to have a conversation with them especially if their aura intimidates me: those who I think is the people opposite of my kind.

There was this guy I liked at school. He liked me, too. Though I was always the one looking for way for us to get to know each other and it annoyed me. Of course, since I liked the guy I used pink shadow effect. We became kinda close. We confessed our feelings, he gave me christmas present, and then talked behind my back.

I mean wth you're such a bad person you make me angry! JERK really suits his name >n<
Okay. Enough with this useless topic.

"Don't remember and regret it.

Just move on and forget it."

I've been kinda weak in faith. I don't remember my the reason behind it but it was pretty pathetic of me.

I'm trying to bring back my faith in God again.

I've been kinda materialistic. There was so many things I wanna have but I have to limit spending 'cause I only have enough for food, house, and school expenses; sometimes not even enough.

Saber.xoxo

It's been a while. Happy New Year! 2013 Here I come!!

12:36 AM

Hehe. So 2012 is near it's end. I must admit this year was full of very emotional moments, ups and downs, and heart break and it was really very nerve wrecking. Well, for every broken relationships comes new, better, stronger ones. I'm just glad I was finally able to let go of the negatives. Haha I sure don't wanna be a negatron this new year.

Oweee . Let's just say I learned a lot of things this year, and I met a lot of amazing people :) They might be a blessing or maybe just a lesson but who cares. This is life. Learn, live, make mistakes, laugh, slow down. It doesn't matter.

My New Year's Resolution? I have no idea. :))) Happy New Year ♥

♥Saber.xoxo

Everything is different now: College Life

2:30 PM

Yes, it started last June 12, Tuesday,Philippine Independence Day, when everything started to change. My mom and I traveled from our province to Manila to bring my things to my boarding house. I’m taking College here after all. There was a mix of emotions going on inside me: excitement, happiness, felling of independence, fear. I knew that when this day ends, it will only be me: only me to take care of myself, only me to prepare things for school, only me to find where my lost things are, only me to eat breakfast and dinner, only me to tell myself what the right thing to do, only me to tackle this new world God had granted me.

While on the bus, I heard my mom talking to her friend on the phone. They were talking about me going to college. My mom expressed her feelings to the person on the other end of the line. I was pretending to sleep. She was telling how bad she’s feeling and how much she’d miss me when I step into this new environment without her. I wanted to cry, but held on the tears as I did not want to appear weak. A part of me was already dying inside but I still focused on the brighter side: I’d be able to explore things on my own, no one to tell me to do what, FREEDOM. We reached the bus stop then we hired a taxi cab.While on our way, I familiarized myself with the landmarks, I do not want to get lost ever again. The ride took for about 10 minutes, more or less, and then we reached our destination. We ate lunch first and then we organized my things in my new room. Everything for me was such a hassle. I have to dust this, dust that, broom this, broom that, clean this, arrange that, etc. But while I was doing that, I kept track of the time, I kept on my mind the few hours, the few minutes, and the few seconds remaining before my mom leave me here. Tik tok tik tok… and it was over. We kissed and hugged goodbye.My mom left, leaving me her trust. Now I’m alone. I still did not cry. I couldn’t but I wanted. Maybe it was because I still haven’t felt the pressure yet, I was still clueless of what the future beholds.

The next day, start of school. C-O-L-L-E-G-E. I was very nervous and excited, wondering how many people I’d meet, how many friends I’ll have, what kind of professors I’d encounter, what quality of education they can offer, pass-time places, and how many cute guys I’d see *cough*. I was oh-so very glad to see EJ, I met him last summer while I was completing my college requirements, one of my block-mates, I won’t look like a loner, thank God. I was alertly observing the people passing by. It’s not very difficult to tell who’s new and who’s not. The place surrounding the room to our first class is starting to be filled by students, more specifically my block-mates to be. First class started. No Introductions made. I am saved. I don’t like talking in front of people I don’t know, makes me go really nervous, and weirder. Hey, I already made 4 friends!. Second class. Needs introduction. Can’t concentrate. My heart’s pounding so fast. Can’t remember what their names are. Focused on what I’m going to say. And then my name was called. Stated my name. Said how old I am, where I’m from, what school I graduated from. Told them I love everything Japanese and speaks Korean. Introduced myself in Korean language. The teacher joked. Everyone laughed. Now I am known as the Japanese/Korean girl in class. I made another friend. Another K-pop fangirl. Another Inspirit. Made my first loud laugh and clap in class. End of the day.

The following days were just the same. I made new friends. Met new professors. Went to places, and jotted down notes.

Then, 1st week of class started. Our schedule is hectic now. It’s time to face the real deal. There were lots of things to buy, mostly requirements in every class. I was kinda pressured but still holding on. My new friends are good at making things seem easy. But every time I am alone in my room, every after I hear my mom’s voice and summarize to her what happened on the whole day at school through the phone, I could not help myself but cry. I miss my family, I miss my mom, I miss my two little sister, I miss our cats and dogs, I miss the smell of home, I miss home-cooked meals, I miss the TV, I miss the pc, I miss the internet, I miss the fresh air, I miss the simple life. I miss not being too suspicious about everyone I encounter everyday. I MISS HOME.

Then I realized that it wasn’t too fun to be alone and be able to do things on your own. When I visited home , I saw the huge difference between the life in a city to the life in the province. I still prefer the life there, but I also like the thingshere.

As of now, I’m still on the process of adjusting. I mean, there are still things that I am not used to. But it’s okay, I will hold on. Life is a journey as well as my dream, and I am going there, that’s what I am going to reach.

All izz well

♥Saber.xoxo

Planning ahead!

10:03 PM

Mother's Day is only a few hours ahead! I remember how I greeted my mom a happy mother's day.

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Mom: Nic, tell your friend "Thank you" for me.

Me: Sure mommy.

* A few moments later*

TV Show-live host: It's Mother's Day today! Here are some ideas on a gift to give our dear mommys.....

Me: (thinking to myself) Waaaaaah?!!! Mother's Day is... TODAY!! Now it makes sense. "Tell your friend thank you". Whaaaaaat?!! I haven't even thought about a single present, or maybe a simple preparation. What kind of daughter am I??

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Well, I certainly don't want that to happen again. *haha I don't wanna play that part again.

Soooo... For Mother's Day.

Even though this time, thank God, I knew about the near approaching Mother's Day, I still can't think about something more extraordinary than the usual gift to give mom.

Ahhh!!...Believe me when I tell you I'm tryna squeeze my dear mind for something special.!

Inspiration. That's what I'm lacking right now. Inspirations!... and Direction

Where am I exactly going with this.. I mean, to tell you the truth, making this post didn't feel right... it felt ...forced as if I have to do this just to have another update or whatever you wanna call that WHICH is, I know is totally wrong!

From months of blogging I knew that every post, every paragraph, every sentence, every word, every dot and everything else has to come from the bottom of the heart., from the honest thought of the mind. This is all needed to make a real blog, a true blog.

But earlier it didn't feel to be that way. It felt sour, fake, uninteresting, and boring.

I'm pretty much relieved of saying that. It lifted the burden inside me. I am very much sorry for this horrible post. But one thing's for sure, I will do my best in making this Mother's Day a special one for my mom. :)

And I know for sure I'll find that Inspiration to get me going and that Direction on where I want that to lead. :D

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Oh, before I forget it, I want to let you know about my new blog site: Live journal @ Chocolateday.livejournal.com

♥Saber.xoxo

Journey to Olongapo

2:14 PM

Peanuts! The past 2 weeks after graduation has been a blast! We went to Olongapo to witness the wonderful things nature has to offer, or at least that’s the major part of it. :)

○ Went to the Beach. My first ever experience at a beach!

○ Went to Zoobic Safari. Close encounter with the BIGCATS. Love the sleeping tiger with its feet up. :))

○ Went swimmin’ at a resort. (yah, you can imagine how dark my completion is now!)

○ Went inside Logos Hope an bought books. It’s spelled A-W-E-S-O-M-E !!

○ Had a picnic at Boardwalk before going home.

~Sweet!

Yep.. No more Fair skin for me!! haha. But you know what? I don't mind having tan skin now. I don't know why! Well, it can always turn back to fair. It just doesn't bother me and you know what I think? It's amazing to have some changes once in a while. :)

Have you ever gotten to an S & R Food Service? Gawd this was the Shrimp and Garlic Pizza. Queer! But I love it! :3 It taste really good. Swear!

Might as well read one of the book while at the bus goin' home while listening to music. It has been an awesome journey.

♥Saber.xoxo

First Day of Summer Vacation!! ♥

8:48 PM

Hello again, blogspot people!

Today was the first day of our summer vacation.

Oh yeah, I've already graduated High School! Yay me!!
I will sure do miss my High School years, my best high school buds, my friends,

my teacher and my classmates.

Our Graduation Day was held last March 30, 2012(Yesterday) at the Cultural Center of Laguna.

It was a moment of thinking about how the past 4 years had been to me, to us, the moment of realizing how we have grown up, the happy moments, the sad ones, the realization of leaving the world you have grown into and then moving on into a new one: College.

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I'm ever so grateful to the people that have keep up with me throughout this passing moment, especially to my mom. She is the one that paved the way for my successes. The one who truly cared and still does. The one who never left me behind. The one who truly loves me no matter how naughty I become.

To my classmates, teachers, acquaintances, friends, best buds, relatives, my two sweet little sisters, to my mom, and to our loving God, I thank you a lot. I'll never forget the things that you have done to me, for helping me become what I am now, for helping me find myself. Thank you!

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Is it like a Cliché from my old post First day of Summer:with love? haha! Wow. It has been a very long time since we had our summer vacation last year. It was just like yesterday. Still fresh in my mind ^_^

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My oh my! Not long enough I'll be applying for the University I chose then soon enough I'll be a College freshman. AHHH!!!

Oh yeah, before I jump into things, let's first talk about my Summer plans:

•Arrange my clothes( cause if you'll see my cabinets, you'll think a storm had just past through it)

• Segregate papers that are not needed
•work out
•Uplift my knowledge and skills:
writing, drawing, painting, photography, etc.

Well, that's as far as I can remember from the list I have made. Hehe
Please help me, God ,to finish it.
Have a happy summer y'all!!