#KARAMFIGHTING

11:08 PM

I am just in utter gush of sadness right now.
I was scrolling down on my tumblr dashboard and happily re-blogging post when I came to read one particular post. It just said "#KARAMFIGHTING Karam's dad died of heart attack"

no. i.can't.do.this.anymore.

I was just about to tell my ultimate success on finding out the right thing for me to do but this post just made me stop and think and feel sad. I mean I'm a MASTER for almost 2 years now and this just makes me real sad. Karam being one of DGNA's member and his dad.... no I can't type it.
I jusst.. I'm a mess
Sorry I'm out of here.
Let me touch the pain of this event for a moment in behalf of DGNA and the MASTER family.
May Karam's dad rest in peace. Y_Y





♥Ketsuekineko

Clear my mind

11:57 PM

Sunbeams found me. Still lying on my bed, tending in my dreams the precious little pleasures only it can show me. My, for instance, I want to fly, only in my dreams I can do that, if it'd happily let me. Sometimes, I become a bird sure as a real bird with its wings that it can fly. I try to keep in mind everytime I go cuddle my pillow and blanket like clouds and marshmallows that when I wake up, the real world will shine like the moon never shone on your face the night so precious when the stars wished you good night. I like the dark. Much as well I say I love it to my fancy. Gory movies never let me down like an axe to be forced to the victim by the serial killer. But anyways, I did not waste your time to tell you that. But I guess I will when you'll start reading the next pace of my existence and difficulties. You've been warned.

I guess I'm too indifferent, though I can see through my friends' bare eyes that I'm a less than an inch easy to dig up. I guess I give away expressions to my emotions too easily. Time passes by and the birds migrate. Am I the only one attached too much to my fancies? I'm confused. My mind too taken aback. 

For the passed days I can say myself had been quite greedy though I take time to look my reflection in the mirror to check if I'm still sane. Yes I am still sane, just something made me...mad. I guess that's the word for my actions.

I've been on the cyber world for quite sometime now. I have been in this thing of making up for the lost times. It makes sense since I've been so lonely caged in my room with nothing but stick and dried leaf to live with. So now, I do things as I please. Download all the mv of my idols. Listen to music till it  lull me to sleep. Watch whatever I found interesting. Eat whatever is edible on the dinning table. Talk less, write further more.  Get old by days, younger by smiles. But nothing seemed to be the right thing. This kills me. This always happen almost every single day at it bothers me. I have no life. I thought it would make me quite happy, it did so blissfully, but it went away with just a blink. It leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth when time fly so fast with me stuck in puddle. This scares me to death.

I don't know how to deal with this frightful obsession of mine. Nothing seems to be fantastic even if I try to see positive in little things. Shall I take time to think, away from the keyboard and tired fingers? Shall I go see  the world out there, explore a little more? Listen to the birds and smile a real one?

I don't know. I'm too confused. I'm too resentful. I should hid my face behind cold rocks. I don't want my loved on to see me like this. I'm too...bleak.

I hope I'll find the shooting stars soon. It'll sure make me happy. I guess I will start my search first thing when the sunbeams find me again, then again maybe after I work out.





♥Ketsuekineko

I miss doing groceries

8:48 PM

I love food.
Early this morning I have thought how I missed baking and cooking
and just experimenting food.
Then I asked mommy when she will go to the market 'cause I plan to tag along to 
buy food, and also to lessen my expenses. Kekeke~
But, the sad thing is, she won't be going to the market for a while. Sigh~
This made me really cheerless.
Like a bird with a bread crumb but unable to eat it.
Like a warrior with a sword never to be used.

--------

Oh well. My life is full of misfortunes.
I wonder when the wheels of fate will turn.
I can't do anything yet at the moment.
I'm still under my parent's custody.
But someday, I'll be able to do the things I am born to do.
When the right time comes, I will not hesitate.
I'll live my life to the fullest.
But for now, I have to do good in the things I do.

--------

By the way, why do people think eating salad is funny?

--------

By the way, something that cheered me up.
A song from my all time favorite korean drama: Full House
Enjoy!







♥Ketsuekineko

Do you believe in evil? I was screwed

8:20 PM

I was happily lounging on the couch carelessly watching "Adams Family Values" when 
people started acting nuts on some minor twinkie things in the history of
the 21st Century while our little kitties gleefully taking their precious naps.


I mean seriously, can't the universe and Zeus be more cruel to me?
*Dances Before the Dawn- Why Why? Why Why? Why Why???*

Okay so nuff with that I'm just so wickedly sad it's like I've missed a lot of precious moment
in this life. in my generation. and I'm just a parasite.



I know I can't change that... I can't do no more about it
My life's damaged
My dreams slowly crushed
Is it my fault I was born with this
Evil lurking slowly from the dark side of something close to me
Haunting me
Luring me in
To keep the pain inside me 
I can feel myself. Becoming weak
Bleeding from the inside
The scars won't heal
Too deep
Too dark
Too late to save
Shall I cry for my misfortuned life for the rest of my existence?
Why, tell me, am I too indifferent to understand?


I can't speak of this
So I write
But it seems that writing is also slowly being taken away
by something..
someone..
Does writing find me too burdensome to keep company?
Does it feel no life with me?
Tell me, where do these letter go when they are not written of or spoken of?
Do they hide?
Do they run away?
Do they fly towards the sad and lonely moon up there?
Do they adore the stars?
Do they hate the sun? The heat? 'Cause I know I do
Do they go to someone else's mind and leave you for good?

I won't like that
My only company.. leaving me..
Too painful
Too much to take
It kills me
Making it too soon for The Grim Reaper

No. Stop. This is too much. Sadly, I must go back to my misfortunes.
I must eat.





♥Saber.xoxo

Hi there!

12:43 PM


I know it's been so long since I was able to update.
What a cliche huh? I think I've already made a post like this? hehe so sorry
My 1st year in College officially ended on March 22, 2013


Experiencing things without any family member was a bit tough. You have to take care of yourself and be cautious most of the time. You have to try your best not to get sick because no one's there to take care of you. What's more hard is doing school stuffs and running errands. You have to do things all by yourself. You have to buy the things you need. You have to decide for everything.
Yes, I sometimes make the wrong decisions but I always make sure I learn from it.




I became a staff writer in our school publication named, The Magdalo. Though a lot of times I'm not doing my best(till now I still haven't passed my work for the last issue of school year 2012-2013. Oh uh!)


Oh I so love reading!! And yes, most of the time I read in bed because the dorm I stay on doesn't have a big space so I always have to stay on my bed whether I'm studying, eating, or just resting.
I love reading fiction, classic, fantasy books. My most favorite was The Hunger Games Trilogy, Nicholas Sparks' works, The Secret Garden, Rick Riordan's works, and many more!!



I really son't get people. It's so hard for me to get to have a conversation with them especially if their aura intimidates me: those who I think is the people opposite of my kind. 


There was this guy I liked at school. He liked me, too. Though I was always the one looking for way for us to get to know each other and it annoyed me. Of course, since I liked the guy I used pink shadow effect. We became kinda close. We confessed our feelings, he gave me christmas present, and then talked behind my back.
I mean wth you're such a bad person you  make me angry! JERK really suits his name >n<
Okay. Enough with this useless topic.
"Don't remember and regret it.
Just move on and forget it."

I've been kinda weak in faith. I don't remember my the reason behind it but it was pretty pathetic of me.
I'm trying to bring back my faith in God again.


I've been kinda materialistic. There was so many things I wanna have but I have to limit spending 'cause I only have enough for food, house, and school expenses; sometimes not even enough.






Saber.xoxo

It's been a while. Happy New Year! 2013 Here I come!!

12:36 AM

Hehe. So 2012 is near it's end. I must admit this year was full of very emotional moments, ups and downs, and heart break and it was really very nerve wrecking. Well, for every broken relationships comes new, better, stronger ones. I'm just glad I was finally able to let go of the negatives. Haha I sure don't wanna be a negatron this new year.

Oweee . Let's just say I learned a lot of things this year, and I met a lot of amazing people :) They might be a blessing or maybe just a lesson but who cares. This is life. Learn, live, make mistakes, laugh, slow down. It doesn't matter.

My New Year's Resolution? I have no idea. :))) Happy New Year ♥





♥Saber.xoxo

Everything is different now: College Life

2:30 PM





Yes, it started last June 12, Tuesday,Philippine Independence Day, when everything started to change. My mom and I traveled from our province to Manila to bring my things to my boarding house. I’m taking College here after all. There was a mix of emotions going on inside me: excitement, happiness, felling of independence, fear. I knew that when this day ends, it will only be me: only me to take care of myself, only me to prepare things for school, only me to find where my lost things are, only me to eat breakfast and dinner, only me to tell myself what the right thing to do, only me to tackle this new world God had granted me. 
While on the  bus, I heard my mom talking to her friend on the phone. They were talking about me going to college. My mom expressed her feelings to the person on the other end of the line. I was pretending to sleep. She was telling how bad she’s feeling and how much she’d miss me when I step into this new environment without her. I wanted to cry, but held on the tears as I did not want to appear weak. A part of me was already dying inside but I still focused on the brighter side: I’d be able to explore things on my own, no one to tell me to do what, FREEDOM. We reached the bus stop then we hired a taxi cab.While on our way, I familiarized myself with the landmarks, I do not want to get lost ever again. The ride took for about 10 minutes, more or less, and then we reached our destination. We ate lunch first and then we organized my things in my new room. Everything for me was such a hassle. I have to dust this, dust that, broom this, broom that, clean this, arrange that, etc. But while I was doing that, I kept track of the time, I kept on my mind the few hours, the few minutes, and the few seconds remaining before my mom leave me here. Tik tok tik tok… and it was over. We kissed and hugged goodbye.My mom left, leaving me her trust. Now I’m alone. I still did not cry. I couldn’t but I wanted. Maybe it was because I still haven’t felt the pressure yet, I was still clueless of what the future beholds.
The next day, start of school. C-O-L-L-E-G-E. I was very nervous and excited, wondering how many people I’d meet, how many friends I’ll have, what kind of professors I’d encounter, what quality of education they can offer, pass-time places, and how many cute guys I’d see *cough*. I was oh-so very glad to see EJ, I  met him last summer while I was completing my college requirements, one of my block-mates, I won’t look like a loner, thank God. I was alertly observing the people passing by. It’s not very difficult to tell who’s new and who’s not. The place surrounding the room to our first class is starting to be filled by students, more specifically my block-mates to be. First class started. No Introductions made. I am saved. I don’t like talking in front of people I don’t know, makes me go really nervous, and weirder. Hey, I already made 4 friends!. Second class. Needs introduction. Can’t concentrate. My heart’s pounding so fast. Can’t remember what their names are. Focused on what I’m going to say. And then my name was called. Stated my name. Said how old I am, where I’m from, what school I graduated from. Told them I love everything Japanese and speaks Korean. Introduced myself in Korean language. The teacher joked. Everyone laughed. Now I am known as the Japanese/Korean girl in class. I made another friend. Another K-pop fangirl. Another Inspirit. Made my first loud laugh and clap in class. End of the day.
The following days were just the same. I made new friends. Met new professors. Went to places, and jotted down notes.
Then, 1st week of class started. Our schedule is hectic now. It’s time to face the real deal. There were lots of things to buy, mostly requirements in every class. I was kinda pressured but still holding on. My new friends are good at making things seem easy. But every time I am alone in my room, every after I hear my mom’s voice and summarize to her what happened on the whole day at school through the phone, I could not help myself but cry. I miss my family, I miss my mom, I miss my two little sister, I miss our cats and dogs, I miss the smell of home, I miss home-cooked meals, I miss the TV, I miss the pc, I miss the internet, I miss the fresh air, I miss the simple life. I miss not being too suspicious about everyone I encounter everyday. I MISS HOME.
Then I realized that it wasn’t too fun to be alone and be able to do things on your own. When I visited home , I saw the huge difference between the life in a city to the life in the province. I still prefer the life there, but I also like the thingshere.
As of now, I’m still on the process of adjusting. I mean, there are still things that I am not used to. But it’s okay, I will hold on. Life is a journey as well as my dream, and I am going there, that’s what I am going to reach.
All izz well





♥Saber.xoxo

FOLLOW ME ON INSTAGRAM @NOTEADREAM

Search This Blog
COPYRIGHT NOTE A DREAM