Clear my mind

11:57 PM

Sunbeams found me. Still lying on my bed, tending in my dreams the precious little pleasures only it can show me. My, for instance, I want to fly, only in my dreams I can do that, if it'd happily let me. Sometimes, I become a bird sure as a real bird with its wings that it can fly. I try to keep in mind everytime I go cuddle my pillow and blanket like clouds and marshmallows that when I wake up, the real world will shine like the moon never shone on your face the night so precious when the stars wished you good night. I like the dark. Much as well I say I love it to my fancy. Gory movies never let me down like an axe to be forced to the victim by the serial killer. But anyways, I did not waste your time to tell you that. But I guess I will when you'll start reading the next pace of my existence and difficulties. You've been warned.

I guess I'm too indifferent, though I can see through my friends' bare eyes that I'm a less than an inch easy to dig up. I guess I give away expressions to my emotions too easily. Time passes by and the birds migrate. Am I the only one attached too much to my fancies? I'm confused. My mind too taken aback. 

For the passed days I can say myself had been quite greedy though I take time to look my reflection in the mirror to check if I'm still sane. Yes I am still sane, just something made me...mad. I guess that's the word for my actions.

I've been on the cyber world for quite sometime now. I have been in this thing of making up for the lost times. It makes sense since I've been so lonely caged in my room with nothing but stick and dried leaf to live with. So now, I do things as I please. Download all the mv of my idols. Listen to music till it  lull me to sleep. Watch whatever I found interesting. Eat whatever is edible on the dinning table. Talk less, write further more.  Get old by days, younger by smiles. But nothing seemed to be the right thing. This kills me. This always happen almost every single day at it bothers me. I have no life. I thought it would make me quite happy, it did so blissfully, but it went away with just a blink. It leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth when time fly so fast with me stuck in puddle. This scares me to death.

I don't know how to deal with this frightful obsession of mine. Nothing seems to be fantastic even if I try to see positive in little things. Shall I take time to think, away from the keyboard and tired fingers? Shall I go see  the world out there, explore a little more? Listen to the birds and smile a real one?

I don't know. I'm too confused. I'm too resentful. I should hid my face behind cold rocks. I don't want my loved on to see me like this. I'm too...bleak.

I hope I'll find the shooting stars soon. It'll sure make me happy. I guess I will start my search first thing when the sunbeams find me again, then again maybe after I work out.


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